Is Marriage a Divine Conspiracy?

...everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
I was on the phone with a dear friend the other day involved in an encouragement fest. We do this easily as we think alike on so many levels Biblically. Our personalities are not necessarily alike but our hearts are intertwined when it comes to spiritual things. We were kind of bemoaning the lack of sheer resolve so many people seem to have lost in the generations that follow us... and ours, too actually. Somehow that line of thinking turned to the subject of marriage... you know ... marriage in general. But specifically how it seems everyone we know is married to someone who is completely opposite from each other... in personality and motivation.
She shared a recent John Eldredge newsletter (which is actually an excerpt from his latest book entitled Love and War) with me. So relevant are the words in light of what I see going on in Believer's lives everywhere. Here it is in part. Decide for yourself.


Blue highlights~ my thoughts added.
***********************************************
Just this morning Stasi and I were talking about marriages we know, and we came to a pretty sobering realization ~~ we can't name one marriage that hasn't been through deep waters in the last three years. Not one. And we know a lot of people, and a lot of marriages. You'd think we'd be able to point to some couple who is trouble free. We can't find one. Not one. Every single marriage we know is either currently struggling, or they've just passed through some major struggle, or they've thrown in the towel. What's with that?

... maybe there's something about marriage, something inherent to it, that we'd all do well to go ahead and admit, face head-on, come to terms with. Marriage is fabulously hard.

Everybody who's been married knows this.

... the sirens that lure us into marriage ~ romance, love, passion, sex, longing, companionship ~ they seem so far from the actual reality of married life we fear we've made a colossal mistake, caught the wrong bus, missed our flight. And so the hardness also comes as something of an embarrassment (don't you feel embarrassed to admit how hard your marriage is?). Maybe it's just us.

Nope. This is everyone. We might as well come out and say it.
In the Christian world I think everyone will admit this ~ we just don't like to talk about it.
... Of course marriage is hard. For heaven's sake, bring together a man and a woman~ two creatures who think, act and feel so differently you'd think they'd come from separate solar systems ~ and ask them to get along for the rest of their lives under the same roof. That's like taking Cinderella and Huck Finn, tossing them in a submarine and closing the hatch. What did you think would happen?

When it comes to high-level expeditions, one piece of advice that veterans unanimously urge is this: "Choose your tent mate carefully." For you are going to spend weeks to months on end shut-in by foul weather in the forced intimacy of a tiny fabric cocoon with this person. By the time it's over everything about them will drive you mad~ the way they eat, the way they breathe, the way they hum show tunes or pick their nails. To keep yourselves from a Donnor party ending, you must start with people you are utterly compatible with.
This made me chuckle. A fact too difficult for our single friends who are just longing for romance, and companionship to imagine.
God does the opposite ~~ he puts us with our opposite. Our mutual brokenness plays off of each other so perfectly it's frightening. It's like throwing a dog and a cat in a dryer. Is He absolutely mad? Why would God do such a thing?

... He lures us into marriage and then he uses it to transform us.
And wait until you have children... either you transform or you kill them.
We all have a style of relating, we have a way that we do life. Our carefully crafted approach colors the way we work, the way we love, the way we handle stress and the way we look for life. Our style is borne out of brokenness and sin, and it is the number one thing that gets in the way of real love and companionship, the shared adventure and all the beauty of marriage. It's really this simple ~ the number one thing that gets in the way is your way. And we have absolutely no intention of giving it up. Not even to love. So God creates an environment where we have to. It's called marriage.
I just need/want to be happy. Really?
Now listen carefully ~ God wants us to be happy. He really does. He simply knows that until we deal with our brokenness, our sin, and our style of relating, we aren't going to be happy. Nobody around is going to be very happy, either. Most of what you've been experiencing in the last twelve months is God's attempt to get you to face your style of relating, and repent of it.
That didn't feel very good... nor did it make me very happy.
Can we just get to the answers here!
... understanding that happiness is the fruit of other things, chief among them our own holiness, and so we must undergo a transformation.
That's not exactly what I wanted to hear.
... we must share in God's holiness before the story is finished. This flies in the face of the more popular view of the world that's crept in recently ~ the happiness view. This is the idea that frames most people's expectations of marriage (and everything else) ~ the view that we're here for our happiness and so you'd better make me happy. It comes as quite a disruption when we begin to realize that God might have other things in mind!

But once we accept the plot ~~ our transformation ~~ then we can get on with cooperating with God, and that opens the door to all sorts of good things.
*******************************************
That's a good word.
In this world of "it's all about me" it really is all about me. It's just not all about me in the self-centered way we tend to demand.
I am not my own... I've been bought with a price. Laying down my own rights to even my happiness is a step in the right direction.
Lots more to say but this is a post and I've gone too long... more later I'm sure... I can feel it.
What about you? Do you have the dream marriage we all wish we had? Or have you had to make lots of adjustments? If you aren't married, do you have big ideas about the way the right guy or gal is going to fulfill your fairy tale dreams?