Painful

...everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

Letting go of the control my flesh so desperately grapples to keep is definitely painful. It doesn't feel good.

I don't know about you but sometimes I get so caught up in my own thoughts, drawing my own conclusions, holding onto unforgiveness and anger, cherishing my own perceptions/assumptions and nursing hurts and negative thoughts that by the time I come to a place of admitting it all ... it is painful. My flesh really likes it when I get into a pattern that leaves God out just enough so I can go along in life fooling myself that I haven't left Him out at all.

I didn't realize I could be so good at it actually. I know just the places to go in the Bible where my current sins won't be addressed. If I'm holding unforgiveness in my heart or if I'm angry and just don't feel like giving it up right this minute or if I know the Lord has required a thing of me that I've ignored... I can still pray (on some level), I can still praise Him (on some level), I can still read my Bible (in certain places) without addressing my sin. It's true. You know it is.

But one thing I CANNOT do successfully (while in this fooling myself state) is worship my Lord. Not fully. Maybe it's just me. But I CANNOT.

Worship always requires my yieldedness. It requires honesty. Deep down revealing honesty and abandonment. Once my heart is willing and then yielded fully to the Spirit of God honesty is the result. Truthful honesty.

Wholly and completely in love with God and yielding to His love, His goodness, His mercy, His light... there are no words... It is Him ... as I worship Him He fills me up with His manifest presence. He floods my soul with all that is good and I feel I will burst from the brightness that washes over me. I've nothing left but to freely and without hesitation release all that nasty sinful ugliness I had just a moment prior thought was wrapped up so tidy in my heart for safe keeping.

Why? Why did I ever want to hoard it? Why did I ever let it get to the point of fooling myself that I wasn't doing just that? Sin is tricky. And believers are warned to strip it off/lay it aside as it can so easily hinder our progress* when we don't. Oh, that's right. My anger and my hurt is justified. There is good reason for me to nurse it. After all if I let it go I'll then have to forgive and release all parties involved. Nope. Not doing it. Not right now. It was too awful. I have to figure it out first. Then I'll decide what/if/when/how much I'll forgive. And the cycle of letting my flesh have its way begins. That's how it happens. That's how I get there.

The only solution is time with my Savior. Worship. Yielded to Him fully. Sweet surrender. Honest before Him.

Honesty is painful. Painful to my flesh.

*Scripture reference: Hebrews 12

Utter Dependence

...everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

I don't think I know what it means entirely. What I do know is that at times when my heart is the softest and most pliable before my Lord it is a phrase that comes up from the deepest parts of me. I boldly say the words to Him in that place of surrender. Those words when voiced aloud to Him seem to have life. Like stirring up all the most important/intimate/meaningful parts of my soul and pouring them out before Him so nothing is left. Nothing to hide. Nothing to keep for myself. Nothing but abandon. And it feels so good!

Isn't it odd? When I think of what abandon involves the very meaning of it intimates loss. Which seems to be the idea. Because what it turns out to be in the most remarkable spiritual encounters is the loss of all hurt, pain, anger, unforgiveness, selfish ambition, revenge, and pride. 

There is a PRIMARY thing God requires from his children. It's a thing He will not do FOR us.

Right after James* tells us that friendship with the world makes us an enemy of God and that if our aim is to enjoy this world we can't be a friend of God... He reminds us that God gives us more and more strength to stand against such evil desires.

So HUMBLE YOURSELF before God*.

Resist the devil*.

He will flee from you*.

When we bow down before the Lord and admit our dependence on Him, He will lift us up and give us honor*.

In my weakest human state of humility and utter dependence on God I am the strongest spiritually. When I'm strong spiritually I become strong in every other area... mentally, physically, socially. Ready to be of use to the kingdom.

More and more grace is available as I let go completely and truly give way to utter dependence on my Master.

It's just the way God does things. And I love Him with all my heart for it.

*Scripture reference: James 4:4-10

Ransomed by Love Himself

...everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

Like Paul, I am less than the least of all the saints, I am chief among sinners, I was a blasphemer, a persecutor, and injurious. Once I was dead, doomed forever because of my many sins. I used to live just like the rest of the world, full of sin, obeying Satan,  following the passions and desires of my evil nature.

But GOD is so rich in His mercy! AND He loved me so very much, that even while I was dead because of my sins He gave me LIFE when he raised me from that death along with Jesus Christ. It was His kindness and the wealth of His favor that saved me when I believed! I take no credit for this. It is not a reward for the good things I've done so I have nothing to boast about.

This mercy, grace, and salvation is a GIFT from God. (adapted from Eph 2)

Sin is a lurking and ever present power always ready to pounce and capture. In my flesh dwells NO GOOD THING. It is necessary to be aware and on alert for the sin that so easily besets. For me, it is necessary to know the triggers that lure me into sin.

While I do not major on sin it is the knowledge and deep appreciation for God's grace and how He saved me from sin that compels me to lean into His grace and it kindles my desire to please Him alone. Staying ever mindful of God's grace is what causes me to crumple before Him in utter dependence on His love. It is the presence of His sweetness, His tenderness, His infilling, and impartation of His own nature that gives me the power to shun the life, the practices, and habits of the life I once lived in sin.

I cannot hold on to any part of it. I don't want to. If I am honest, I know what does and doesn't please my Lord. Sure, it is up to me to be that honest with myself and Him. But ~~when I am~~ I know that if I want the fullness of His presence and power in my life then I also want to walk this walk without those things of the flesh I once indulged in that drew me into the world.

He has not punished me for all my sins, nor does He deal with me as I deserve. He understands how weak I am. But His love remains forever for those who fear Him. (adapted from Ps 103)

He is merciful and gracious. He is slow to get angry. He is full of unfailing love.

I want my life to represent Him well.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Shutting Jesus Out

...everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

It is possible. To keep Jesus out.

Not even thinking about unbelievers here. As Christians we can keep Him out of what we want to keep Him out of. We can close places in our heart to Him. There are rooms, if you will,  in there... in our hearts... where we shut the door and do not allow Him to have His way. Certain areas of our life we just do not discuss or we try to ignore when we are talking to God. If we talk (pray) to God at all.

Have you ever done a lot of thinking about a thing and maybe even God and His thoughts on the subject came into your thinking. I submit that thinking is NOT praying. For example: If I am thinking about YOU, I am not talking with you... I am thinking. Once I include YOU in my conversation and I'm open to your side of the conversation I am then talking with you. Same goes for God.

It does me good to ask once in a while. What are some of the things that I hide away in my heart and try not to bring up to God?

SO... things that keep me from talking WITH God and often (later when I get it all sorted out) I discover I wasn't ever praying about these things... not fully anyway. But I was thinking about it ALL THE TIME. Hurt, betrayal, disappointment, worry, taking on the cares of the world and on it goes... the effects of them, the people involved, the ripple effect they have... sometimes I just don't really want to have to do what Jesus would do in these situations so it's easier NOT to talk to Him about them. At least not in the "not my will, but Yours" sort of way. Shutting Him out is easier on my flesh.

What's the age old root to the issue? PRIDE. At least that's what I'm discovering in myself. Again. No, it is not a new revelation. It is just that I let pride creep back in ever so slowly (in so many ways) until at times(as ugly a monster as it is) it can be staring me in the face and I don't recognize it.

What's the cure for pride? Humility.

Less of me. More of God. Not my will but His alone. In EVERY single area of life.

Total and utter dependence on His ability, grace, mercy, power in EVERY situation. Oh, what a sweet place to be. Melting in the arms of my Savior. His redeeming love washing over and through all my weaknesses. All my disappointments, hurts, betrayals, selfishness. Cleansing me and making me whole. His love is shed abroad in my heart and His strength empowers me to forbearance and long suffering.

Why would I EVER think I could do anything without Him? When I'm doing it I don't even recognize it much less admit that I'm doing it. PRIDE. That's how it works.

Pride keeps me from going to God and humbling myself before Him. I just move along in life without completely submitting my thought-life, my attitudes, my opinions, my decisions, my disappointments, hurts, and rejections. I try to handle things on my own. And I can even justify my un-Godly actions/reactions...with my knowledge of Him of course. Because I have a lot of that.

Not being prideful when I say that... just honest. It is one of the dangers/traps of mature (knowledgeable) Christians. Knowledge without power. Only God has the power. And yes, I can have it, too, (through Him) but only as I yield my will to His.

Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though He was God, He did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made Himself nothing; He took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form He obediently humbled Himslef even further by dying a criminal's death on a cross. Phil. 2: 5-8

I haven't even come close to understanding what being humble is!!!

Steadfast and Confident

...everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

There are times when I can only rely on my heart. My head might be screaming an entirely different message at me. But my heart knows the truth of God's word because I've hidden it deep inside my heart. So when life doesn't add up and/or my flesh is weak I hold onto the confidence I have in God and His keeping power. The 'soundness' of His Holy Scriptures anchor me and make me strong where/when I am weak. His love and His word are my hope and my confidence in the good times and the testing times.

My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is steadfast and confident! I will sing and make melody. Psalm 57:7